Tending to Endings Before New Beginnings

As I sit here amidst the quiet chaos of preparing for a big move, I feel a heaviness I wasn’t expecting. A sense of ungroundedness, of being in-between. It’s strange, isn’t it? To choose a change, to know it’s the right path, and still find yourself struggling to embrace it.

A Profound Ending

In less than four weeks, my family and I will be leaving our home. This isn’t just any move—it’s a profound ending. Two years ago, we embarked on a journey to remodel our house, pouring our hearts and energy into creating our dream home. Long nights, weekends of work, juggling life, and eventually, this spring, we finished. We were supposed to be settling in, grounding into this new space. But life, as it often does, had other plans.

Suddenly, my 8-year-old daughter stopped going to school. Everything shifted. I had to step back from work to support her, to figure out what was going on. At the time, I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I felt lost, frustrated—why was life derailing everything I’d worked for?

A Moment of Clarity

Then, one day, while out walking in the woods, I had a moment of clarity, a vision that stopped me in my tracks. I was meditating beneath the trees when an image of a mirror appeared in my mind. I walked toward it, expecting to see my reflection, but instead, I saw my daughter’s face staring back at me. In that moment, I understood. I had been so focused on seeing her struggles as problems to be fixed, obstacles in my path, but really, she was showing me something deeper. She was a mirror, reflecting back to me my own experiences of being pushed into roles that never truly suited me. She was showing me what it looked like to refuse to be moulded into boxes that didn’t fit her—and in doing so, she was inviting me to do the same.

Embracing Change

This was the beginning of our journey toward a wilder, more authentic way of living. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been beautiful in its own way. We’ve spent the last nine months feeling our way through, creating new rhythms, new structures, and learning to live differently as a family. But just when we thought we had found our footing, another shift came.

About 12 weeks ago, we realised we could no longer financially sustain ourselves in this home. We’ve had to make the difficult decision to sell and downsize. It was the right choice, but it has brought up so much grief. I’ve been avoiding the tasks that come with moving—packing boxes, sorting through our things—because part of me doesn’t want to acknowledge the ending that’s happening.

Connecting with My Feelings

And this week, it all caught up with me. I’ve felt disconnected, ungrounded, trying to push myself to do what needs to be done, but getting nowhere. So today, I decided to stop. I took myself out for a walk, the way I often do when I need to reconnect with myself. The air was crisp, the trees around me starting to shed their leaves. Autumn was in full swing, and the quietness of the season felt like a mirror to my own inner state—an invitation to slow down, to let go.

I sat on a bench beneath the trees and closed my eyes. I imagined myself as one of the trees around me—my roots running deep into the earth, my branches full of leaves that were beginning to fade and fall. I brought to mind the last nine months, the joy, the challenges, the changes. As I sat there, I finally connected with the feeling I’d been avoiding—grief. Grief for the path I thought I was walking, for the home I was leaving behind, for the life that was no longer mine. And I cried. I cried for the ending I hadn’t fully acknowledged, for the exhaustion and sadness I’d been carrying but hadn’t given space to.

Finding Relief

As I cried, something shifted. I felt the wind pick up around me, and in my mind’s eye, I imagined the wind tugging gently at my leaves. I gave myself permission to let them go—to allow the wind to carry them away, to trust that the ground beneath me would take them and turn them into nourishment for whatever is to come next. And in that moment, a wave of relief washed over me. I realised that I had been so focused on the new beginning—on moving house, on being done with this chapter—that I had forgotten to tend to the ending.

The Importance of Endings

Endings, like the falling leaves of autumn, are essential. They make space for new growth, for new beginnings to take root. But if we rush through them, if we don’t pause to acknowledge what we’re letting go of, we carry the weight of the old with us. We miss the fertile ground that’s created in the space of surrender.

I’ve spent so much time thinking about where I’m going, about the new life I’m creating, that I forgot to honour where I’ve been. I forgot to grieve for the dream that didn’t unfold the way I thought it would. And yet, it’s in this very grief that I find my grounding again. By allowing myself to feel the sadness, the exhaustion, the loss, I’m able to reconnect with my roots, to stand tall and firm, even as the winds of change blow around me.

Moving Forward

You see, new beginnings don’t come from nowhere. They grow out of our endings, from the soil we create when we let go of what no longer serves us. The trees know this. They drop their leaves not out of despair, but as a gesture of trust in what is to come. We, too, must learn to do the same.

So, as I move through this season of transition, I’m reminding myself to tend to the ending, to honour it, to grieve it, so that I can fully step into whatever comes next.

Your Invitation to Reflect

What about you? What endings in your life need tending to? What are you holding onto that might be ready to be released? Take a moment to pause, to connect with your roots, and trust that in the letting go, you are making space for new growth.

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With you in Circle in these Wild times,

Louise x